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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

All in a Days Work

I have to start out by saying that I was super flattered when Joan, a fellow Etsy shop owner, (Make Me Smile Crafts and BarbiesRUs), said that she was not a blog follower but would was intrigued by more story and intended on following it.  She stated that she had always been curious as to how military spouses handle the distance - this premise spurs the thought of the night.  

I am a huge fan of the premise of mental framing discussed in most intro psychology classes.  The basic gist behind it is that you choose your mental state and mood based on how you choose to react or feel about things that you do, that you witness or that happen to you.  According to this idea, it really is all in your frame of mind.  

Mind you I am not all military spouses so I can only speak for me and from my point of view, but this is how I deal with missing my best friend every second of everyday.

I choose to focus on the big picture.
My husband once told me that war brings out the real side of people.  Whether they are on the battle lines or the home front they will do one of two things - they will run or they will fight.  It all depends on how they view the situation.  To me, war is humbling.  It reminds me just how small I am.  There are so many in this world couldn't even dream of the daily pleasantries that I have and those who give them up for a moment in time so that maybe, one day those people might have the ability to have those liberties.  I choose everyday to be grateful for my circumstances and to be loved by a man who makes such sacrifices.  It is easy to feel sorry for oneself and to get caught up in missing the one you love.  I have to remind myself everyday that this is bigger than me.  It took me a long time to get to that point. 

I choose to take it a day at a time.
I find one thing everyday that reminds me of some perfect moment with my husband - a song, a smell, a shirt.  I count down the days until he comes back home to me.  I choose to believe that he is coming back home to me - period.  A day is much shorter than a year and much easier to face.

I choose to focus on what is important.
We get so caught up in the everyday happenings and dreaming of future greatness that it is easy to lose sight of what is important.   My husband is my heart and soul.  My family is my everything.  My dream is for us to all be back together and grow our family and build our legacy together.  Every second we get together, whether it be leave, an email, a phone call is more important than anything else that we have.  This washing machine will still be broken, the neighbors dog will still be knocking over the trash cans, the house will still need to be cleaned.  It all seems trivial when you look at the big picture.  I choose to put my husband and child before anything.  

What it all comes down to is perspective.  To him, it is just a job and it is business as usual.  So here at home we make it business as usual as it can be.  Choose to focus on the good and positive and you will find you are a much happier person.  Try to find the good in one not so good situation or a few and you will see what I mean.  

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